I know the intention was that I don’t recover from the recent death. I know that one was meant to break my spirit, and it would have, a year ago, 6 months ago… but what it actually did was inspire me to stop wasting time and spread my wings. I realize because of that death that I have no more excuses, no more time to waste and in her honor, I know I couldn’t live with myself if I did.
I also feel like I am finally ready to take this step, walk through the door that the universe is holding open for me. I can either step into my power or I can continue to cycle through more loss, knowing that grief and anger is benefiting the one who wants to hurt me.
I can feel the pull in both directions, the energy pulling me backward is strong but like every single time before, I will remove myself from its grasp, I will overcome the burden of it but this time, will be the last time.
Because this time the light is stronger, inside me and flowing through me. I can feel the stronger tug of the universe, of the ancestors, the warriors and Earth Mother Gaia. I can feel the truth, the purpose behind all of this. I can’t see it clearly yet but I know that in time, with trust that I will.
So, day to day, how do I keep myself from going backward again? From becoming a target again? It starts with how I view myself, my own self-worth. For years I have been metaphysically and physically abused by this man. This man who I haven’t laid eyes on in his natural form in nearly 30 years. His natural form, he’s a shape shifter, or rather he can see through the eyes of perfect strangers, I don’t know how he does it exactly, but I do know that the basis of all he does is built on Yaqui practices.
Transcending is the key. It’s so simple to see it now, that transcending is what he has been trying to prevent me from doing. I’ve been practicing TM since 2020 but not the consistent way I should be. I have periods where I can mediate every day but then there are also stretches where I have felt uncomfortable doing it and that was him. His energy has always been in mine, and it’s only been lately that I have been able to prevent that from happening. I sent him an email last night wishing him a happy birthday and thanking him for making me the strong, resilient and tenacious person I have become. I thanked him for his willingness to be a pawn for the Creative Intelligence. He spit in my eye, I felt it.
What that tells me is that he was the one who committed those murders, of all my pets and he has felt the loss of their spirit energy which he has been keeping locked in cages on the spirit realm, I can see it clearly in my mind’s eye right now, but I have freed them and returned them all home. I see this in all the queens that live in my back yard right now (Queen was a sparrow that I raised until she was murdered by this man). They come into my chicken coop daily now to visit and bring messages. Sounds crazy to the uninitiated but I’ve been working with the spirit realm almost my entire life and with Transcendental Meditation I now have an even deeper understanding of what existence actually looks like outside of this simulation that is modern western culture.
And that is the new paradigm the universe is inviting me into. A paradigm of true reality and all I have to do to enter is recognize my own self-worth. My self-worth will not only allow me to step through, but it will inspire me to keep going, step by step as I move more and more into purpose.
So, it starts with me, and it ends with me. I am the key. This is what our shallow existence is mean to prevent because if it starts and ends with me that means it starts and ends with each of us. We are the power that drives us into Being, the essential constituent of all in creation… (the kingdom of God is inside us, and all around us). To quote Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, my guru, “Being is life, it is existence. To Be is to live, to exist…All aspects of life have their basis in Being” (Maharishi, Science of Being and Art of Living, 1963, P. 3) He goes onto explain that existence is life itself but that which exists is the ever-changing phenomenal phase of the never changing reality of existence. That is also on page 3 of the same book.
By stepping into Being, we are stepping into purpose and by stepping into purpose we are stepping out of the garbage matrix that conglomerates and politicians have created for us. We are told we are meant to live a life of consumerism but we’re not, we’re meant to live in Bliss Consciousness, a life without needing so much interference. Our bodies and minds can heal and with that healing, we can heal the world. We won’t need the pharmaceuticals, the snacks, the busyness of our stupid jobs. Not that teaching is stupid but the modern education system sure is. We do important things, but they are our entire identity as opposed to a means to an end. A job is meant to fund our lives, not the 5th & 6th vacation homes of trillionaires. We need so many things because society has fooled us into thinking we do. I don’t need nearly as much as I have, a 3-bedroom house for one person. All I’ve done is fill them all with crap that I don’t even see most of the time.
So, we get back to basics; recognize I deserve this, that I have value. So much value in fact that somebody has spent upwards of 30 years trying to stop me from evolving into this new paradigm. I have to do whatever it takes to remember that. Pictures of Queen, post it notes of reminders, pushing myself into what I love to do even when I don’t feel like it. I deserve to transcend every day, I deserve to exist in Bliss, I deserve to be free of this burden, we all do.
